Networking works best when it doesn’t feel like networking. If your outreach is only happening when you need a job, it can come across as transactional—and it also puts a ton of pressure on every message.

Below is a simple, repeatable approach to build real professional relationships (and yes, it often leads to referrals and interviews).

1) Shift your goal: from “ask” to add value + learn

Instead of aiming for “Can you refer me?”, aim for:

• A 15-minute conversation to learn how they got where they are
• One specific insight about the team, role, or industry
• A next step you can take immediately

This mindset lowers the stakes and makes people more willing to help.

2) Use a “tight target list” (10–20 people)

Spraying messages to 200 strangers rarely works. Pick a focused list:

• 5 people doing your target role
• 5 people at your target companies
• 5 people connected through shared context (alumni, past employer, same city)

Then keep track in a simple spreadsheet: name, date contacted, response, follow-up date, notes.

3) Write outreach that earns a reply

A strong message is short, specific, and easy to say yes to.

Template you can copy:

• Subject/Opening: “Quick question from a fellow [shared link]”
• Why them: “I noticed you moved from X to Y and now work on Z.”
• Why now: “I’m exploring roles in ___ and trying to understand ___.”
• Clear ask: “Would you be open to a 15-minute chat next week?”
• Low-pressure close: “If not you, is there someone you’d recommend I speak with?”

Pro tip: Ask about something real from their profile (a project, a transition, a post). Generic praise gets generic silence.

4) Make follow-ups normal (not awkward)

Most replies come from follow-up #1 or #2.

• Follow up 3–5 business days later
• Keep it to 1–2 sentences
• Add a small value nugget (e.g., “I read your talk/article and had one question…”)

5) Turn one conversation into a network

At the end of a chat, ask:

• “Who else would you talk to if you were in my position?”
• “Is there a team or function I should learn more about?”

Then send a brief thank-you within 24 hours and follow up later with an update (“I applied,” “I took your advice,” “I spoke with X”). That’s how you become memorable.

Your turn

What’s been the hardest part for you—finding the right people, writing the message, or following up without feeling pushy?